A man enters a poorly lit warehouse. He lowers his lily white fedora and throws his right hand high into the air. Suddenly, and without effort, he launches a quarter across the room activating a jukebox that hasn’t rocked in years. Then it happens. Pop star turned action hero begins thrashin’ to the tune of his latest hit “Smooth Criminal”.
Jacko’s arsenal of moves is limited and doesn’t include a moonwalk at all. His offense consists of one kick, one punch, a spin move, and an interesting hip flare. These attacks are nothing more than enchanted dance moves, and Michael delivers each with a signature “whoo” as only he can. The objective is to save Annie (I suppose) as she pops up throughout many stair case ridden structures. The only highlight being the guest cameo from Bubbles after the completion of each stage. As for the ending, I assume it’s just a big Pepsi commercial or something. I should know, but after the third level I realized I had a pulse.
User Guide for Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker (Sega Master System)
Note: If anyone has actually defeated this game without a Game Genie and can prove it to me in some way… please do so. I need this.
Konami (under it’s Ultra imprint) released the first Nintendo game ever to feature the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the summer of ‘89 just as the “heroes in a half shell” were beginning their climb to the top of wish lists everywhere. I remember getting this one for my 9th birthday. I also remember never getting past the third level. I’m not bitter though.
The first objective is to save April O’Neil from the hands of Shredder. You must complete this task without being captured by the foot clan. However, as you head out on your journey, you quickly save April and discover your real mission is to save Master Splinter. Or if you’re like me, you turn off the system after you’ve liberated the reporter and pretend you’ve beaten the game. It will only get exponentially more difficult from here.
Moving on, the turtles visit the nearest dam and you quickly realize this game hates you. Of course I am speaking of the underwater bomb sequence that has caused me to develop a spontaneous, nagging twitch. After defusing these bombs you move on to the “party wagon level” and begin to have a small amount of “fun”. This “fun” only lasts a few minutes unfortunately, because not since ancient Greece has the world seen such a winding labyrinth. *Sigh* I would love to tell you more about this level, but thinking about it makes my face hurt.
Honestly, I don’t remember what comes next in this gem of a game, but I did eventually beat it with a Game Genie… I think… please say that wasn’t a dream. Oh well, I’m pretty sure the ending has something to do with pizza. In summary, play the sequels. They will make you live longer, and you can even play them with a friend.
Nintendo Power (May/June 1989) – Feature Article on TMNT for the NES